Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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