need another drink. this is the easiest way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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