So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
