So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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