When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize