Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
