So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
