I'm jealous of your bromance
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
