Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
