I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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