Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
