i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
