End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
