I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
