I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
