I wish I could teleport
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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