'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
