SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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