8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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