I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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