he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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