No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
