i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
