Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
