I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
