You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
