its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
