I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
