I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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