Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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