where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
