her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
