I just cut my nipple shaving
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
