I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
