I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize