the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
