Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize