six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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