My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
