I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
