You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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