My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
