I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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