shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
