left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
