Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
