just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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