I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
