my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
