She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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