Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
