dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
