do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
