How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
