fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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