don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
