woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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