I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
as a side note pls kill me
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