No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
