I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
