i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
