I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
