Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
