i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
