"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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