you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
