Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize