Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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