Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
