Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
