Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
