we're chasing vodka with high fives
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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