we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
