Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
