I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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