Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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