Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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