The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
